Want to know if your man’s doing the dirty? Watch out for these clues and find out if he’s a faithful fella or a cheater you should chuck. Enjoy!
- He’s suddenly unavailable
Some signs of shifty behaviour are quite obvious, according to Beverley Stone, author of Stay Or Leave? Six Steps To Resolving Your Relationship Indecision. “Maybe your partner said he’d be near
his phone and then runs out of battery, or perhaps he’s told you he’s at work and his flustered colleague tells you he’s just popped out for a sandwich. Follow your instincts if there’s something going on, so don’t become a doormat – confront him now.”
Treat lack of boudoir action as a big, flashing warning that something’s not right. “It’s a major sign that he’s having s’ex elsewhere,” says Stone. “Even if they’re not, it’s something you need to sort out. Tell him you need to see a s’ex therapist. That will scare most men! Have an honest discussion about what’s going on, and how you can make time for a romantic evening and s’ex.”
- He’s behaving suspiciously on the phone
So your boyfriend’s walking out of the room to take calls, and has suddenly started to lock his phone? Deal with it directly. “I know it’s common to look through a man’s phone rather than raise the issue, but try to avoid doing it,” says Stone. “Rather than become suspicious and untrustworthy like him, sit him down and ask what’s going on. When he answers, concentrate not on what he’s saying, but how he says it. Tell-tale signs include fidgety body language and hesitation.”
- He’s a green-eyed monster
Is your boyfriend suddenly getting well jell and questioning what you’re up to? “If a man becomes suspicious of your behaviour and accuses you of cheating, he could be projecting his lack of trustworthiness onto you,” says Stone. “Don’t stand for it, as it can damage your self image. Tell him you know the game he’s playing, and you refuse to play it too!”
Of course, not all new friends spell danger. But, as The Dating Doctor, Peter Spalton, explains, it’s how much he tells you about them that counts. “Watch how he talks about them – if he’s being furtive and starts going out with someone you don’t know much about, and don’t get introduced to, it could spell trouble.”
“It’s not actually that easy to cheat,” says Spalton. “You need the window of opportunity. So if he’s meeting someone for s’ex, it’s easier if he can stay out overnight. But if he’s going out for dinner with another woman, he can tell you it’s a night out with the boys. Watch for changes in his behaviour.”
Cheating costs money, whether it’s paying for dinner or a night in a hotel. And with all the extra spending comes evidence that there’s something going on. “A cheater might hide his credit card bill, or stop having his calls itemised on his phone bill,” says Spalton. “But if you get the chance to look at the evidence, you’ll be able to tell exactly what kind of affair is going on – and how serious it is.”
The motivation to cheat comes if you’re not satisfied with your relationship. That could mean both of you. “If you really think your boyfriend is cheating, ask yourself if you’re really happy anyway?” says Spalton. “One partner cheating means there’s something wrong, and if you want to save it you both need to be honest and fix it.”
“Often a cheater will give an explanation for something and go into a lot of detail to try and convince you. It may even sound as if it’s been rehearsed – probably because it has! Think carefully before you just let his lies go without questioning them as it takes two to lie: one person to tell the lie, the other to accept it,” says Spalton.
- Your gut instinct tells you he’s a cheater
Everyone has a sixth sense. And behavioural change specialist and author of More Than Men And Make-Up and Authentic Catalyst Seven Suphi believes you should never ignore it. “People who are being cheated on nearly always know in their heart of hearts what’s going on, but just didn’t want to face it,” she says. So how do you tap into your sixth sense? Suphi has a technique for this. “Think of a time, like at the end of a yoga class, when you’re really relaxed, empty your mind and get into that state. Now ask yourself ‘Is he cheating on me?’ Take the first answer that springs to mind.” But what if the answer’s yes? Move on, says Suphi. “Those who get cheated on are trusting, sometimes naïve and open to love, so although you feel devastated now you will find the right guy in the end.”